YOU appeared at the very end of my dream last night. As I made my way through a densely crowded room, it felt like the place we once passed each other, and where we hid from one another. Amongst names attached to bodies, YOU stole my capacity to exist in any plausible reality since that one came crashing down. With a glance, so quick; within a dreamt millisecond, the grace of your attention––I’m powerless.
Sometimes when the depression happens, it’s an all-consuming smog of a force; if you can imagine such a thing. It is an aimless fairytale of all that couldn’t be. Dull and dark, one might expect haunts. Me––a place where a seat at the table is customarily set.
The hardest part of it all is that I’m 6 years in the game. It has been six long fought years from the day I said Stop. The day I finally sought a reason for the way I felt and why I couldn’t feel, all at the same time. I learned that; indeed, I was suffering by nature––I had depression.
WHEN IT HAPPENS: I over-intellectualize the process, as if my mind is stable enough to make sense of anything other than Why(?). It’s like suffocating from giving yourself too much air when you can’t breathe. One deceptively thinks because I recognized the signs of mental density and emotional anguish; I’ve been here before, it’ll be a passing wave. It doesn’t pass. It isn’t a wave. The vibration gunks up your energetic center like you hadn’t anticipated. At that point, you must feed the beast what it wants, your light. You hide away from the world and begin to excel at holding on to past difficulties, instead of looking onward. You wake-up crying some days, being angry most days, and, of course, you gotta love Beyoncé ALL days.
Life is tough, and that’s true whether or not you have the awareness to understand it. God or source, whatever you believe, is our alchemical lifeguard, perched upon high; on his glorious stand, waiting to see if you’re gonna jump with courage or doggy-paddle. Either way, you’ll be saved. It’s just, with courage, you save yourself and without, you repeat the cycle, but it’s another opportunity to learn the lesson.
I know what it’s like to be stuck in the thinksand, when all you can do is stay at homeBnB, in your dark room, with your dark thoughts––Look at yo’ dark ass!
Don’t be like that.
Here, have some of my heal-good mix.
President Trump effectively dismantled the daily White House press briefings in 2019. So I’m curious why he’s opening today’s #CORONAVIRUS Task Force briefing by listing the US citizens held captive abroad his administration is actively working to bring home. That their recovery has always been a top priority, and that we should all be excited about it. How, when the only thing any RESPONSIBLE individual is concerned about is their wellbeing, and that of those they love? I say this with NO intended disrespect to any distressed American citizen abroad.
Presenting a distraction is necessary, perhaps, because this President let an entire nation down by underestimating the depth of the pandemic. He refused to take OUR concerns seriously, despite months of warnings from around the world! Yet, he has the nerve to gift himself high marks for his administration’s response, as people are literally dying all over the country.
NEWS FLASH: This isn’t JUST an old person’s disease if you have older people in your life that you care about. I’m a caretaker of someone who has post-stroke heart concerns. You think I’ma risk my Momma(‘s) life for a green beer?! Let’s not forget we all share a civil responsibility to contribute to the quantitive wellbeing of our communities. Many of the more severe cases of COVID-19 in younger people between the ages of 25 to 50, they’re finding that, although the mortality rate for younger “less vulnerable” Americans are higher; some of those who have recovered are reporting up to 20% loss of lung and pulmonary functionality.
Why the HELL was y’all at the beach in Ft. Lauderdale after social distance was advised?
I GAVE UP ON PUBLICLY CRITICIZING DONALD J. TRUMP OVER A YEAR AGO DUE TO ANXIETY CAUSED BY THE CONSTANT CYCLE OF POLITICAL AND SOCIETAL HYSTERIA BUT THIS IS VERY SERIOUS! WE LACK LEADERSHIP WE CAN TRUST AND RELY ON. BE THANKFUL IF YOU’RE FROM A STATE WITH A DECENT GOVERNOR! AND KEEP YO ASS IN THE HOUSE (unless you’ve got to re-up on cannabis. THEN you should make sure you’re affiliated with a dealer who is abreast of the CDC guidelines of the hustle, otherwise, No!)
Moral of the story—WE ALL NEED TO DO OUR BEST! WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER.
DO NOT CALL ME.
I make a playlist every time you think about me.
The songs say all the things I wish you’d say. That’s the way it’s always been between us, isn’t it? You became my peace, then everything YOU pierced everything ME, and just like that––I lost my ME and YOU divided my heart; your portion bigger than mine.
I’d sacrifice all my things for you.
I’ve already sacrificed all my me for you.
If only you’d share your me with you.
As a Black American, what’s richer than watching a democratic Presidential debate where not a single candidate is a POC, yet they waste an entire evening pointing fingers, exposing each other’s respective crimes against communities of color?
They’ve all found grace in their willful ignorance at the expense of Black peoples, and I just think it’s too funny when traditional politicians begin to orate as if they’ve been secret Badu fans all along.
Race in America.
According to lore, the Fool represents the optimism and courage one MUST rely on an effort to embark on a new journey. The first page of your next chapter is the time in which we are all given the grace to take the lessons of our pasts, the challenges we’ve championed, and textile these experiences into to a fabric that swaddles metamorphosis.
The true secret to life is realizing every day is your birthday.
The Magician represents the evolution of the just man. The journey of life is meant to shake our foundations and break us to our core. With growth and faith, the blessing of healing is how you rebuild as your best self, how you connect to the spirit within. The Magician is the survivor and alchemist able to withstand everything.
Launching this blog has been my pet project since 2014. At the time I knew I wanted to create a space I felt was all mine, but I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t have anything to say. Life brought many hiccups, setbacks, and Depression. I lacked the fuel of awareness to grow through my struggles, and until I found that, I would never become the individual I was purposed to be.
Each of us speaks through the conscious perspective of our lives. Your unconscious messaging becomes a lens reflecting the light you allow to heal your heart. If just one person can understand you and identify with your soul message, you’ve created illumination.
That’s what God sent us here to do.
VidaleBarsir.com is a labor of love. It’s my baby and life’s work.
Let the games begin…