Today, I wrote my rapist.
This afternoon, while slurping down the most delicious, and socially distant, piping hot bowl of Fufu and pepper soup—a squeeze of lime over the top is what tickles his majesty most; nonetheless, I felt an urge to address all the low energy issues I had lingering around from the past, holding me back from my exalted future. I set out to make up with everyone I’d had a broken bond with over these years. I don’t know about you guys, but this Coronavirus thing has me very reflective of all that has happened in my life. I felt it was time to enact some of this growth I keep boasting about.
What’s now going on in the world makes it all so trivial. While I have the chance and courage, some people needed to hear my truth. I’m not going to let a pandemic stop my evolution.
My ex is one of those people…
The morning after the 2016 Presidential Election, in a fit of rage over Hilary Clinton’s defeat, my ex-boyfriend attacked me in my sleep, savagely raping and beating me at a time when I was most vulnerable and ill-prepared to defend myself. These last 4 years have been some of the most mentally unsettling/resettling times of my life due to that experience. I’ve had ups and downs. I said I’d gotten over it, but not really. I hid it by pretending to face it. It wasn’t until I finally found the inner power to report the sexual assault to the authorities that I could see so clearly that I didn’t deserve what he did. Sadly, after a brief investigation, DC police felt too much time had since passed, and they didn’t have sufficient evidence to “disrupt his life.” It felt like a blow to justice. I accepted this as what I thought was the end.
I’m proud to finally report it; I did what I needed to do! I’m no longer his victim! And although he may not pay a legal price, the attack doesn’t define me. It NEVER defined me, and I’m so blessed to have survived it.
Moral of the story:
Today, I had Time
Today, I wrote my ex
Today, I Wrote my Rapist
March 31, 2020
You got away with raping me and we both know it. That’s something you and God will sort out when your time comes.
I know you suffer in the dark because of who you truly are. I know you hate it, being so dead inside, years still having to wear a mask in the world.
I am here to tell you I forgive you. I’m reaching out because I know things aren’t looking too good for [WHERE YOU’RE FROM,] and that’s where all your people are. Despite your demons I know how much your family means to you. I want to always be man enough that I can reach out to wish them and you well. That’s what makes me a decent person and you the devil. But my growth is in forgiving you for all you tried to take away from me. You failed at breaking me! I’m lit and you’re still you, which we both know is the most unfortunate part.
I’ve been really emotional about the Coronavirus impact around the globe. There are just so many people that are at risk and it devastates me to see so much suffering. I’m really thankful that my mom is in good health because she was a Respiratory Therapist. Having her stroke 3 years ago forced her into early retirement and now she’s safe from having to put herself at risk for her job. All of her friends and former colleagues are besieged in the hospital and worried for their own health while they prepare for the difficult weeks ahead.
We are so blessed.
Because I love my mom so much, I have no reason to hold on to any problems. All that shit is irrelevant. We’ve had our issues. We’re not friends but I don’t like the energy that hate holds.
Also, do yourself a favor and seek help. Honest true help for your demons. You truly are a narcissist, but I know from what you’ve told me, you’re just a broken kid that never received the love he deserved as a child. I can relate, although my past never gave me license to become the kind of monster that would rape and beat a kind soul who only cared for me.
If I ever learn that you’ve harmed another innocent person, I will find you and beat the holy shit out of you.
Until then, be safe and take care of yourself and be a better person.
My stunt-heavy insignia is my favorite part of the entire affair, after that squeeze of lime I mentioned earlier.